"The Blackfeather Convergence"

Truth

Some people have stage fright. The reason they can't get up and speak is not because they are not trying hard enough.

William Blackfeather

 

Let us say you pull a muscle while warming up for a race and your coach tells you he understands how much it hurts. Then he tells you to suck it up and don't let the team down. And you try, but you let the team down. You let everyone down, that is what you do.

William Blackfeather

 

Depression is being the Pink Elephant in the room, even when you are not.

 

Sometimes in the world of depression it is as if you are alive in a world of images. Sometimes in depression you are just an image in a world of life. And you have no idea how to cross over, you don't care if it is life or an image. 

 

One Rhyme Poem

I just want to fit in somewhere warm,

where I can finally, really rest.

I don't need to jump up and down,

if I ever come in from the cold,

I just want to find somewhere,

where it is warm and just rest.

 

To lay down on a soft couch, plush,

And hear the women in the kitchen,

And Barry Sanders playing a team better,

To talk of days gone by, so fast,

How soon life turns from its joy,

To the melacholy of what I missed

 

People in love, being in love,

I was in love and hate, but with myself,

Too deep into my ways of.., I don't know

Finally too sad, to tired to apologise

For my world to have been Camelot,

Needed me to be who I was not.

William Blackfeather

early December, 2009

 

 

I'm going out to clean the pasture spring;
I'll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I shan't be gone long. -- You come too.

I'm going out to fetch the little calf
That's standing by the mother. It's so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I shan't be gone long. -- You come too.
Robert Frost: the Pasture

 

My Hero's Tend to be Dark Skinned

Jesus is about as great a hero as there is if you view him as a man. Aramethia is not noted for having any lighter skinned Arabs than any other place.

Buddha was, by most guesses, Indian.

Sitting Bull tried to stand up, but was crushed. Geronimo and all the others would have rather lived lives in peace, but America doesn't give options like that.

America is the Borg. You all did get that right? Resistance is futile, prepare to be assimilated.

Socrates

Hopefully most people reading this are versed in Socrates. Always question everything, especially authority.

Socrates, not so sure!

Socrates believed that a person with self doubt was the true thinker. A person that went through life confident was a person that was not a thinker.

Tribute to James Joyce and Robin Williams, an attempt

Hello? Hello, Mike? Hello...hello? Hello Mike if I want to read what everyone is writing where do I check in to? I just figured out a few days ago that it was okay for me to read the blogs of others...anyway everything else if fine. Don't worry, $4.00 is more than enough for spicy cheesey meat burritos, but  we voted 12 to 6 that they just are not enough for the 18 of us. When you take how much we spend for vodka we owe you $1,784 a day. We like you, and love it when Candace looks down on us, spits and tells us to go to hell. But still, $4.00 is really not enough even if we do wind up eating Clive, he is still alive and doing well, gives his regards to you and the Mrs. Says he hopes he will not be eaten but understands if his concern takes your attention away from the Boiling Manatee or whatever it is you do naked in a dust storm for 8 months a year. You all suck for boiling a manatee at the end of the ceremony. I hope you all wind up with some disgusting afflictment. Anyway we are going to kill two of us off until our Mr. Magnifico, Patron de los mos Macho, El Jubilito, el Senior Billy..gets to communicate with his favorite. The Virgin Forbidden, el Senorita Muy las Linda, el Neurotica Chachita, Lisa Romantica. The vision of all that is pure and everyone better keep their hands off because she is pure. and very very cool to be around.But remember, two die everyday and shall be stuffed and featured in odd museums in Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina. Senior communicates with Lisa or the world must be prepared for an X files that you are not prepared to handle. This is my Quest! to follow that star. No matter how hopeless no matter how far. Still no Lisa? I can do show toons till your ears rot into the lagoon..Ha, ha, ah, ha LAGOON! Nay the catacombs, I say. Yay, the catacombs. Play organ Play organ play! wow that felt good to play with the old organ. HAH, dah dah dah dah.. Softly, sweetly, Okay we only have a few more Andrew Lloyd Weber songs and still no Lisa, okay we are not kidding...no Lisa, it is nothing but Kevin Bacon in Footloose. No Lisa, Kevin Bacon...Footloose......until your frontal lobes explode into some type of remoulade, you know what I mean a mayonnaise that only my doctor refuses to let me drink as if it were water. Spoonfuls and spoonfuls...haaaa..now I am running naked through my high school reunion and diving into the pool as they chant my name and I dive into an easy to make remoulade, I will give you the recipe after I am done telling my tale of amazement and decadence. Well not yet decadent, wait until the guacamole orgy and lawn dart rebellions. Wow it is almost hard to remember my place, but I was writing so it was easier, okay...Footloose forever unless I communicate with Lisa. Oh, I hear you trying to break in..oh no that was something in the refrigerator. But you better not try it, I have eatenasparagus for 5 days and my urine is something neither of us want to be around. By the way, may I swim briefly in your pool after these negotiations? You may think about draining it afterwords, it is time it was drained, what are you a pig? Ha didn't like that, did you being called a pig. Is it because of your fornication? Is it because of your sister's fornication? Do you have any pictures of your sister's fornication? If not I have a few if you will follow me to the concession stand. Yes it is right...well you know where it is, all the Boy's Life's are stuck together. Yeah, look away, porn boy. Yeah you sick bastard what perversions of Boy Scout Motto's have you degraded, sneaking behind my tent you little perverse bastard watching Joey and Phil go at it after coming back "early", their hot sweaty bodies dancing in tribute to the Magnificent Kevin Bacon in the Rugged Saga of a Viking Struggling for Manhood, "Footloose", the end

Roll with the waves.

Depression takes up a lot of energy. To kill oneself means that one has to have a lot of energy to carry off that task. For instance how does one drag oneself up from the couch to kill oneself when one is paralysed with self doubt, and fear?

First of all what you learn in depression is that the more you need to do something, the more the pressure makes you curl up and hide. I have often said you just dive under and hope the next wave doesn't take you. Roll with the waves.

All you have is that the hope the next wave doesn't take your soul. On the other hand you know sooner or later it will, so get it over with.

Blackfeater

I don't know

I admitted in front of a couple of cool people that I had often thought about ending it. One of them said, "But aren't you glad you overcame that thought?"

What if we start again, from here?

What if we all start again right now? What if we call our friends, or people that we know or email them. Let us all start over now. Give up your hostility, give up your fear, give up your doubt and I will give up mine.

Can't we do this? How much will it hurt us all to give up the shit we are holding on to, the shit we use against those we love and the shit they use against us.

Maybe we can quit throwing shit at each other. And if you quit and they keep throwing shit at you then move on. You have a friend here if you have to move on and you are scared to death.

You have nowhere to go, and those that know you only view you as a drunk.

Misunderstanding

I have a friend that let me write here. He asked me to understand that he was trusting me. So I never read anything other than what I wrote because I didn't know what he meant by trusting me. A couple times I was drunk and screwed up and hit another blog...but evidently it is okay if I read other people within, this circular, bi amphi theater.... but now for a comment:

Why are we still here? Are we going to do this until our last breath is saying, "SHIT, you wasted everything, every mother fucking dream you ever had and now when you are dead you complain.... AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what the fuck was in our head. Did we think it was as "go-through" or you get a mulligan, or it is mother fucking dress rehearsal? We got to LIVE, we got to LIVE and any fucking complaint wehave to can take to the counter and be revoked .

 I would like to thank Sam Kinneston for dropping by and reading that for me. We all love you Sam, always push the envelope!

ohhh, and Freddie is out there, Ladies and Gentleman, Freddie Prinze! Yes, thank you Freddie, you were a God! You were what we should have been!

Oh my God, stand up man, stand up and take a bow! Richard Pryor lead us out of here...whoo? Oh my God Robin Williams! Holy Shit ladies and Gentlemen...We have Sam Kinneson, Freddie Prinze, Robin Williams, Richard Pryor right now and all you gota do is shake you head, shake your head my God who is the guy over there with the arrow in his head...My God! My God it is Steve fuckin Martin. Steve Martin, Steve Martin, yes, yes. Oh my God it is Steve Martin.

Bill Blackfeather, a signature blog

Communicating

The following applies when I am sober.

I am not a good communicator because I assume too much. I often begin a conversation assuming that the obvious is. . .well obvious. I am finding that is not the best for people with whom I am speaking.

I often say or write something that I see can be taken wrong, but if the person knows me then I make no effort to clarify, if they know me they know how I meant it.