"The Blackfeather Convergence"

Mt father

I had a non violent father. I had the most wonderful father the world ever created. I just found out that he won the silver star in WWII. He would never talk about it, he would never let me watch Combat on TV.

He came from a family of 10 with a violent alcoholic father. From what I hear my father, the most un violent human on earth, beat his father to death one night when he came back from college.

His mother had always supported him going to college and his father beat her for it.

Enough of this. He was a man of love. He was the best father anyone could ever have asked for. I was not the best son anyone could ask for. I was not even close.

Ultimate Hell, being alone

Humans are not made to be alone. I have a friend of a friend who's mother died, leaving him alone like me. No parents, no siblings, no ex wife, no children. Just like me, he is alone.

I really need to go on with this, but I can't.

Being alone sucks. I had no idea what it would be like to be related to no one. I even thought it would be the ultimate freedom. It is not, it is the ultimate Hell.

Billy

Downtown Train

Nothing hurts like begin alone and knowing you are not good enough to ask for help. Knowing that you just do not have it. Knowing that the best thing you can do is to stay away from everyone...but sometimes you need help. Sometimes the hurt gets to be so immense that you beg for salvation from anyone.

To be alone, should be a person's salvation, should be freedom. To be alone is close to death. No one was meant to be alone. No one was ever meant to hurt this much. On a downtown train...........

Lonely

Somewhat altered.

Imagine how much of your love, your thoughts or even your anger deal with someone in your family. Your wife, your children, your brothers and sisters, your parents.

Imagine if that was taken from you. Imagine if you were totally alone. You think you would be happy. You think you would be totally free. But everything you hoped? It turns to a nightmare. There is nothing in human genetics that deals with being alone.

In our early history being alone meant being eaten in addition to not being part of a family. Friends are wonderful, but when you have no family you still have a hole inside you. I can go deep into existentialism about the void. But if you truly believe in it, or understand it, the void is something of awesome horror. The void is being in a vacuum, nothing, forever, alone. No pain, no suffering just nothing forever and when you are without a family, all alone your imagination takes the principals of the void to another reality.

Or it could make it better. Being alone is something people do not deal with often so having experienced it, living with it, the only child knows all about the void. But they do not know what it is all about forever.

In baseball once you get hit by a pitch you know you can survive it, it is not that bad. But until then, you are either afraid of it, or you are confident they never can hit you. But what you are thinking is not about forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK55GYyMs8I

Billy Blackfeather

How much money will save your soul? You better ask someone other that Jesus. or actually Buddha, or actually Muhammad, or Yule Brynner, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera